Day 35 Why

Is life worth living?

I wonder from time to time.

What's the point in being alive, what's the point in working hard if it's all going to disappear one day.

This void that I have inside me, what could ever fill it?

I used to think it was because I missed her. 

But it's not right?

I really am useless no? 

I can't work hard, and as soon as something inconvenient happens, all this motivation turns to dust.

I can't push through, I don't even want to.

I thought that not trying would be the worst thing.

That was before I gave it my all and failed.

What am I supposed to do if I try my best and fail?

Do I try again?

Or should I just give up and do something else.

I hate how half assed I am.

I hate how I'm never able to just give it my all.

Maybe I am, but my all is just not enough.

Do I have strengths, do I have anything that I'm good at?

I don't know why I feel good about myself sometimes.

Because I'm useless. Utterly and completely useless.

I can't even do something so simple.

I always reach for excuses.

I always blame things other than myself.

When will I be able to just grow?

Can I grow?

I feel so frustrated.

Why can't I do better? 

Why can’t I do more

Why do I always feel like giving up?

Why do I feel so melancholy?