Ozzy Day 20 Back to the Writing Board

“Cats are walking down the road. Dogs are chasing birds in the trees.”

Horrible, I crumpled my paper and threw it against the wall, it fell next to my bin full of discarded projects. I hate how everything I write is trash. My ideas are burnt out. I need to create something gripping, something that will reach out to my audience and grab them by the collars. Every time I try I fail. And fail miserably. How am I supposed to be the best author in the world if this is what I come up with? No one will ever notice my work. No one will ever appreciate all the time and effort I spend with each press of a key. I've dedicated myself to this craft. Only to come up with such mediocre projects. There are millions of other writers out there doing the same thing I am right now. Who knows, maybe writing in general will be a thing of the past. With A.I taking over jobs already I can't imagine what they will be able to do in a few years. I don't even know if I'll be noticed in a few years at the rate that I'm going. I rested my head in my palms. I need a break, posting online to get attention has been more demoralizing than anything, every minute I spend online feels like a day's worth of motivation ripped from my soul. Looking at what's popular it seems like the things I want to do have no chance of making it. It's so disheartening. I've been posting my writing for the last three years, with no success. Do I have to keep going until I get noticed? Will I have a big break and make headlines the next day? These ideas are just pure delusion. But I struggle on regardless. 

‘Ring’ ‘Ring’

It was my brother calling me. I sighed and picked up the call.

“Congratulations! I knew you could do it bro.”

Congrats? I didn't do anything noteworthy of late. Maybe he's calling to congratulate me on finishing my book? I Finished it a month ago, and no one noticed.

“Thanks.” I grumbled.

“This is crazy. I can't believe my brother is famous.”

Him congratulating me makes me angry. I know he is only trying to be supportive, but it feels like rubbing salt on my wounds.

“Shut up, I've not done anything.”

‘Not done anything, check social media you're famous now. Your audio book is a best seller. Did you not know?”

“You know I don't use social media often.”

It's true, I only use it to post and upload my writing, and even then that was infrequent. 

I opened my website, and things looked about the same as always. I went to my Youtube, and saw 999+ reactions. I froze looking at the number.

“My book sold well?”

“It's your book man, shouldn't you be able to tell.”

“But I released it a month ago.”

“Yeah some famous bloke made a video about it or something. Hidden gems or something. After that it blew up.”

I was shocked, I didn't know what to do. Of course I always dreamed this would happen. But I never expected to be so sudden, so out of the blue.

“I'll call you back.”

My brother started protesting but before he could finish a sentence I already had hung up.

I clicked on the notifications, likes, followers, subscriptions, comments. More than I could read at once. On the Youtube homepage I saw myself. But not videos I made, videos that other people have made about me. 

‘Writer releases hidden gem.”

‘The best book you’ve never heard of.’

‘How this author took over the internet.’

I didn't know what to do. It's already late at night and I have work in the morning. I don't know if I'll be able to sleep this excited. Work? Wait, do I still need to work. I checked my sales for my book. 

“Woah!”

The number I made in sales was more than I made at my job over the last three years. I've sold out of physical prints as well. There is now a queue of people waiting for more prints. I checked my other social media as well. It was the same, more notifications that I thought were possible on the platform. If this was what being famous was, I don't know if I like it. Who am I kidding of course I do. The excitement welling inside me was laced with a lingering dread. What happens next? How will I be able to keep all these people entertained? Will I be able to keep these people entertained? Or is this it for me. After the internet moves on will I be forgotten? I just have to keep working hard. I should quit my job and work full time on my writing. I already dedicate every free hour I have. It isn't enough, I need more. Every second I waste is a second my fans will be forgetting me. My fans, the sound of that feels weird. I never thought I would have fans. I always hoped I did. Do these people count as fans? I'm just a fad right now. But surely some people consider themselves fans of my work. I put down my phone and began pacing around the room. I'll have to create a plan. Maybe make a thank you video. Or what comes next video. I was stressed out. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do in this situation. I looked at my clock on the wall. It was already one in the morning. I'll just sleep and figure things out tomorrow. Making any video right now will be a disaster. I crawled into bed, my head spinning. I was planning out my next fifty moves as I drifted into sleep.

‘Beep Beep’

My alarm was going off, it's such an annoying sound. I have a bad habit of sleeping in so making my alarm as insufferable as possible helps me wake up. I was groggy, trying to remember what happened last night. Then my memories came back. My book sales, the social media, my fame. I sat down on my chair and began to write a script for my next video. I should thank everyone for the sales at the start. Or does that sound too much like ‘thanks for your money’. How do I sound genuine? I should check my socials again to see what people were saying so I could respond to them properly. I opened my Youtube first. I froze. There were no notifications. Maybe It counts as I've seen them all. I'll go look at a video talking about my book then. I scrolled through the homepage seeing nothing of the sort.

“Hahaha Hahahahah HEhahhahAHAH”

I let out an unhinged laugh. It was just a dream. Of course it was. I sighed, leaned back in my chair and spun around idly. I glanced at the clock. I work in two hours. I guess I have time to write some notes for my second book before I go in. I sighed and began scribbling on some paper.