Ozzy day 30 Want to be wanted

Things are empty.

Plain.

Lacking emotion.

I want connections. 

I want people.

I want someone to hold.

I want to feel the warmth of someone who cares for me. 

I want someone to call. 

The rain won't stop.

Nothing seems like fun. I just want to drown myself in drugs. I don’t want to deal with the feeling of loneliness that consumes me. I don't want to spend another day alone. Another day without someone to call and listen to me. I want to go out. I want to see my friends smiling at my jokes. I want to laugh at the way my friends react to funny circumstances. I want a girl to smile at me with affection when I'm not paying attention.  What's the point of playing games? Watching shows? None of it is fun alone. Nothing is worth doing if it's just me who will remember. Just me who will live on in isolation. The brief glimpses of happiness almost make it worse. It makes me want more. Builds my desire for love and affection. Like starving while smelling a meal. It seems so close, but is always out of reach. The weather feels like me. Sunny and bright, then the next moment a downpour. I’m looking for stability. Hoping to have people supporting me. People who want me around. My inability to build those bonds makes me question my own value. Makes me question whether my confidence in founced in reality or a fiction that exists only in my head. WIll anyone want me? Does anyone think about me when they are alone? I don't care who it is. I just want to be wanted.